As I'm Going Numb and Dying, I Cry Out in Monotone

Why does it take

My most treasured possession

To get my attention?

Why does it take

You turning her gaze

To someone else

Before I see

My own sad condition?

What am I now?

What happened to me?

Where is the life inside?

Even now, I cannot feel.

I want to hear

I want to pray

I want to worship

I want to say

With full confidence

That You’re first

In my life

But there’s so much to unravel

So many pieces to pick up

And put back together

God, I’m such a mess

Save me

And make me truly Yours

So that I can’t deny it

Even if I try

Save me from this numbness

That drains all color from my life

Save me from my strident will

Bid it be still

And lead me down Your path

Save me from my weakness

I know how great it is

But I also know

You’re greater still

And there’s nothing You can’t do

Wash away the bitterness

I know resides in me

Help me to forgive

As You’ve forgiven me

Save me from my instincts

To struggle desperately for what’s “mine”

I can see now

My desperate hold on everything

Is squeezing the life out of me

I know I wasn’t made

To be a sorry mess

When we surrender all to You

You truly give us life

But God, it’s such a battle

To truly haul down the flag

And I can’t win this on my own

Only You can make that happen

I know my own great weakness

The long history of my failures

But Lord, I trust

You’re greater

And nothing’s too much

For You