God is the Architect of my Pain?

In short, yup! The crazy thing is, I thank Him for it. This post is about how I got there.

I was hugely blessed on Monday to be able to get together with a few brothers and sisters and listen to a Graham Cooke message. In addition to speaking the truth with great clarity and enthusiasm (and with an amazing Scottish accent and sense of humor), Graham Cooke has awesome one-liners. I came out of that day with a very different perspective, and that new light made what the enemy meant to be a miserable day a day of incredible living. But I digress (as usual)...

I think my favorite Graham Cooke one-liner has to be "God is the architect of your pain." There is plenty of controversy in that statement, which I would like to sidestep by explaining the context, which was a discussion of process. The short version is that God has amazing plans for us, but realizing those plans means tends to involve a bit of training for and change in us (process!). However, as God has only the best of plans for us, this means that whatever is causing me pain and grief has been ordained for my greater benefit. More importantly, however, is the fact that God promises to be right there with us the entire time.

This statement and accompanying conclusions caused me to totally reevaluate my own life, in particularly school and the entire Air Force Academy grind. Let me tell you, I have been about at the end of my rope over school in particular of late: 21 hours of classes that seem to serve no purpose other than steal my time and rest and lower my GPA. I have been sick of it (as well as the whole litany of stupid regulations at this place). However, God has ordained all this (down to the engineering mechanics quizzes) so that I can more fully become the man I was created to be and to accomplish the good works already put in place for me. Thus, I'm determined to stop impeding the process and to start growing in it instead.

Today, this made a world of difference. I don't know if I can describe how much I did not want to go to class this morning. Seeing as I would get in quite a bit of trouble for that though, the greater temptation was to be miserable and frustrated. I was hanging onto the truth for dear life this morning against a nearly overwhelming tide of emotion. But the Lord promises that His grace is sufficient for us and that His joy will be our strength. It was also quite helpful to remember that God, living outside of time, has already seen this one through and that He is here with me. Thus, today was incredible when it could very well have been miserable. Amazing what perspective does, aye?

The Truth Will Set You Free

There's a great quote from the movie Inception that I believe sheds a lot of light on the deceptive tactics of the enemy. As Cobb is finally standing up to his projection of Mal and telling it that he knows it is not his real wife, the projection answers something to the extent of

"How can you be so certain? What do you feel? What do you believe?"

In my opinion, this is exactly what the enemy asks us time and time again. It is so easy to just go with what we are feeling. Often, speaking truth against those emotions feels like just throwing words at something without effect.

In church yesterday, I was feeling very unworthy and unable to hear the Lord or involve myself in the worship. And it was really frustrating. I quickly realized however, that this was a spiritual attack and that the content of these feelings was untruth. I started praying and repeating the truth, but for awhile it seemed that I was just saying words, which was very discouraging. Finally, though, those things felt as though they had been broken off of me. It felt so good to be free again

Last night

Last night was really tough, but really rewarding. A certain dear friend and I were a bit at odds, and as we talked I started noticing in myself disturbing, horrible feelings. It was hatred. The only image I can find for this stuff is thick, black, horrible tarry stuff. It's GROSS. I legitimately felt at my limit last night. But God promises that we will never be tempted beyond what we can handle, and by His grace, I did not give in. For this I am most thankful

The Weariness of Wand'rings

Empty
Weary
Cut off
How did I get here?
I tried to do it myself
But I stopped thinking
I stopped caring
I gave in
I wandered again
Chasing what this time?
I don’t remember
Whatever it was
It was just a mirage
My eyes are opening again
Ever so slowly
Painfully slowly
The callous is so thick already
I can barely feel
Here in the wasteland
Of my own wanderings
The emptiness
Of my lonely self
Yet even here
You chase me
You’re knocking on the door to this place too
Oh how I want to open
But I cannot
I’ll falter on my own
So give me the strength
To open the door
Come and give me
Your life

There is no other Source

Get Life. Above all else, learn to live. Because life is in Christ. He came to give us life and life abundantly. And to be brutally honest... there is no substitute. We can do nothing in our own strength. Nothing. Zilch. Noodle :-P

Today that was made painfully clear. It's amazing how empty life is and how weak we are when He is absent. No other thing or person, no matter how amazing can fill His place.

So take the time to get to know Him. Don't be afraid to do something that seems crazy if it's where He leads you. Him being God, it'll probably turn out okay ;-)

Reflections

So as I was writing just now, I went back and looked at some of my old posts, just for grins. It was an interesting experience. On the one hand, I was generally happy with the aesthetics of most post. As content-wise, it was basically Nathan's thoughts on life: a mixture of lightbulb moments, outpouring joy and thankfulness, depression, and even a little despair.

Yet, through it all, I've see God's providence all around and even some growth in myself. All in all, it was an encouraging and thought-provoking experience

I Cry Out

Oh Lord my God
I cry out
With praise and thankfulness
Truly You are faithful
Beyond all comprehension
You do not disappoint
Nor go back on Your word
Your plans are good
Your words are life
Your presence is joy and wisdom
Your gifts are lavish
Nothing stands before You
No mountain
No plan
No resolution
You overwhelm all
And save the day
Your wisdom and goodness
Are beyond the realm of logic
Impossibility isn’t for You
Merely boundless love
Boundless goodness
Boundless power
You are omni
Alpha and Omega
Necessary and Sufficient
Three yet one